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1. COMMITMENT For years my husband drove a church van that picked up people for services. On one such occasion a young teenager made this statement... “I’m going to marry a rich man and if it doesn’t work out I’ll get another rich man.” And we may smile and remark that that is the dream of the young and inexperienced and we would be correct. Except that seems to be a philosophy that pervades our society. Especially the part about... if it doesn’t work out, I’ll get another. Marriage is not a trial and error event. It was meant by God to be permanent and just as the wedding vows state, it is not something to enter into inadvisably. Marriage requires commitment. It is intended to be for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. Matthew 19:4 - 6 “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Commitment is something no one seems to think is important these days. In fact, it is difficult to get people to make a commitment of any kind. They want to wait until the last moment to see if something more exciting comes alone. I’m not sure that is their ‘knowing intent’ but the bottom line is this, that is what is happening. Commitment has to do with promised devotion or the dedication of oneself to fulfilling a promise made. It is to assume a personal responsibility or obligation to a person, a cause, or a relationship. If commitment is not a part of a marriage, the parties involved will be looking for a way out when the first disagreement arises or a more interesting party comes along. But a commitment to the marriage and to their partner says, “I’m here for the long haul regardless.” It is scary to make such a commitment to be sure but that is why it is important to “know” your intended partner as an individual. Don’t worry about the bedroom. It will take care of itself IF you are engaged to a person who is a committed Christian (first consideration), is a good friend that you can confide in and rely upon. All too often, sex enters into the picture and clouds the issues. I used to tell my teenagers... “You can have sex with anyone but not just anyone will make a good marriage partner with which to spend the rest of your life.” Rather crude statement for a Mom to make I suppose but vitally important and true. 2. COMMUNICATION Communication is more than talking about the weather and what you did all day. It is sharing from the depths of your heart about all kinds of subjects. You need this skill to make your marriage work and grow. If one or the other goes their own way and refuses to make their plans and ideas known, there is bound to be heavy conflict in the making. It is only as two people openly share their dreams and desires that there can be an effort to make those dreams and desires become reality. It takes two pulling together to make a marriage work! Today’s society gives the picture of two people going their own separate ways, meeting in bed for hot sex, and then separating into two separate ways again. That isn’t a marriage nor is it a solid relationship. That is an arrangement for fleshly and perhaps financial reasons only. For communication to be open it must be honest and forthright. Ephesians 4:15 says, “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:” This has reference to our relationship in Christ with one another but holds equally true for the marriage relationship. The truth to be spoken is simple, unvarnished truth. There is to be no deception nor sugar coating. It is however to be spoken “in love.” Truth may be spoken without entering into offensive blaming, criticism, or harsh judgementalism. The truth sometimes hurts, however, the intent, intent and attitude behind the truth spoken will be conveyed through voice tones and body language. So called truth spoken rashly and with offense usually comes from an attitude with less than love as the intent. Ephesians 4:26, 29-32 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:... “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Truth spoken in love is willing to follow through with forgiveness and assistance. One should never use “truth speaking” to only be used in a negative sense. Your partner needs to hear about his/her good points and your appreciation of those facts. I will never forget giving my Sunday School class of adults an assignment. They were to write down on paper what things they admired about another person. It was interesting to watch the reaction of those being ‘praised.’ They reacted with attentiveness and almost a hungry, needy look, one that said, “I need to know that I am approved.” Our mates need that kind of input into their lives. So often we work with the understanding that we are expected to perform. It’s nice to know someone appreciates what you do and who you are. 3. CHRIST JESUS No marriage is complete if Jesus is left out. 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” Unfortunately, this command of scripture is sometimes disregarded by those who are less than careful whom they chose for their marriage partner. In some cases, however, one partner or the other becomes a Christian after the marriage has taken place. In that case Paul has this admonition. 1Corinthians 7:12 - 17 “... If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.” Marriage with an unbeliever has got to be difficult. Simply because your goals in life cannot be the same. Paul continues on in 2Corinthians 6:16 and asks this question. “And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.” The Christian walk requires a different path than that of the unbeliever. Jesus said it this way... Matthew 7:13 - 14 “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life,...” Notice the advise Paul gives in 1 Corinthians 7:17 above. As the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk.” Unequally yoked is not a reason for divorce (as long as the other person does not enter into sexual activity (adultery, homosexuality, and other perversions including, I believe, pornography) outside of marriage even though it is a difficult walk Such a situation calls for the Christian to walk softly before the Lord, responding in love to their mate, but refusing at the same time to be a doormat. It is a difficult walk but one that is possible if you are committed to listening to the direction of the Holy Spirit. The saved must use every opportunity possible to try to reach the unsaved person for Jesus. However, living a godly life before them may be far more effective than preaching. One should always be ready to share their faith at an appropriate time. 1Pe 3:15 - 17 “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ. For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.”
Article Source: http://christian-topics.info
Willetta is a former retired pastor and author of three websites. she lives with her husband of 54 years. She teaches the flagship SS class of her local church. Her websites are www.teachmethyways.org/ www.successwithkids.org/ www.theseedsower.org/
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