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Janice and Meryl were married on a beautiful, clear, afternoon in late June. The wedding and reception was perfect in every way. Many of their guests commented on the tender devotion that each displayed toward the other. No one could have convinced anyone at that moment that they would not live happily ever after. Meryl had made plans for a wonderful honeymoon in the Bahamas. It was beautiful. Meryl was so thoughtful and tender. Janice was deliriously happy and knew that she had made a wise choice. Over the next several months there were many little disagreements as is the norm for newly married couples but nothing that their love could not conqueror or so they told themselves. Meryl was busy with his job and often spent extra overtime hours so he could provide for his bride anything that her heart might desire. Janice had taken a position that required her to travel on occasion. Meryl was not thrilled about that arrangement. He could see no reason for her to be gone two or three days a month. Couldn’t she do her work via the computer and/or telephone? Besides, she traveled with her boss, a handsome guy in his late fifties. Sure, he was old enough to be her Dad, but.... Neither of them knew exactly when things seemed to disintegrate between them. Fatigue from long hours at work, bills, car repairs, and family demands on both sides created many stressful situations. The later was especially taxing. It seemed that both sides of the family insisted that holidays be spent with them. Neither Meryl nor Janice wanted to disappoint their parents and siblings. Consequently many heated arguments began to take place between them. Janice’s family had strong traditions during holiday time. Meryl’s family was more relaxed but felt strongly that he should be able to be ‘home’ to celebrate with everyone. The following year Janice announced that she was pregnant. Both looked forward to the birth of their first child. Neither wanted to know the sex of the child before birth and so they contented themselves with looking forward to a surprise. As it turned out the baby was a little 7# 6oz boy. He was adorable and the spitting image of his father. They named him Meryl Jr. Janice wanted to go back to work but Meryl thought it best for her to stay at home. So she settled in to be a stay-at-home-Mom. She missed her job. It had been challenging and there was only so much cleaning she could do in their small house. They really needed a larger one she told herself but they just couldn’t afford it right now. Several of her friends balanced motherhood and a job, why couldn’t she? Janice announced one evening that she was going back to work much to Meryl’s displeasure. He firmly felt that a woman’s place was in the home but if it would make Janice happy he guessed he could go along with the plan. Janice had found a reliable babysitter so it seemed unreasonable for him to insist that Janice stay home. It was true that they needed a bigger house and money was tight. However, it was an irritation to him that Janice had made all these decisions on her own before she announced her intention. Mornings were hectic. Getting a nine month old out of bed in a happy mood was not always possible. Since Meryl left an hour before Janice did the care of the baby was left up to her completely. And with Meryl working overtime a lot of evenings she was left with the baby and the housework as well. He often came home tired and weary from a long day at work and wasn’t in much of a mood to help around the house. All he wanted to do was kick off his shoes and relax a bit. Janice became increasingly dissatisfied with the way things were going. According to the other girls in the office it was a man’s place to help with the children in the evening so she could have a relaxing bubble bath. She needed some time for herself. Meryl didn’t like to eat out so he insisted that she cook his supper and he wanted it ready when he got home. Sometimes he complained about the disarray of their home as well. Now, just how was she supposed to do everything? He could come home and sit down for a few minutes and she had to hustle around getting supper and take care of a crying baby that seemed to always need attention. When was she supposed to relax? Bedtime was no better. Meryl was always at his desk figuring and planning for the next day’s work or outside tinkering with something. By the time she got the baby to bed she was ready to fall into bed herself. She was exhausted. When Meryl came to bed she often pretended to be asleep so he would let her alone. The tension between them grew. And then the unexpected happened. Janice found out she was pregnant again. Now just how were they going to balance this new development? Meryl would just have to help her more. When the subject was approached Meryl agreed that he would help more around the house and he did but he never did anything without being told to do it. It seemed to Janice that he could see what needed to be done without being told. The new baby was born in late December. A little girl that they named Annette. She was tiny and nothing like Meryl Jr. She was fussy and seemed to want to be fed every two hours. Meryl got up with her sometimes but the majority of time he was soundly sleeping and so Janice would struggle out of bed to feed the little miss. Six weeks after Annette’s birth she went back to work. She liked her job but she was so tired. If only Meryl would help more but he was so wrapped up in himself, she told herself, that he couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Anger raged in her and the girls at work didn’t help any. They agreed that he should take more responsibility. They had purchased a larger home after they realized that their family was increasing. It cost a bit more than they had planned but real-estate was up in price. Their old home sold quickly so that was a plus but meeting the new payments put a strain on their budget. Diapers, formula, and babysitter fees helped to keep things tight as well. Every morning it seemed a bit harder for Janice to manage getting two babies dressed and in the car so she could take them to the sitter and then finally get to work. Sometimes she felt like she was ready to collapse from fatigue. Early in the fall she approached Meryl once more about helping her more. The timing for the discussion came at a most inopportune moment. Meryl was working on their car trying to get it going so Janice would have transportation to go to work the next morning. He was tired, the mechanical problem was difficult and it was a chilly evening and he was cold. The discussion didn’t go well. Janice ended up going into the house and going to bed. She cried until she was exhausted and then fell asleep. Meryl slid into bed about midnight, having finally conquered the mechanical problem. The next morning he slipped out of the house without waking Janice. She awoke with a start and realized she had overslept and would be late for work. She stewed and fussed as she tried to hurry the children. If Meryl would only help more, she reasoned, everything wouldn’t fall on her shoulders. The more she thought about it the angrier she became. That evening when Meryl came home Janice was in a foul mood. He, sensing her anger, exited the house as quickly as possible and began to rake the leaves which were falling profusely. When he finally came in his supper was sitting on the table cold. Janice had put the children to bed early that evening and she sat at the opposite end of the table in tears. Meryl quickly washed up and sat down to eat a cold supper. He was shocked at the words that now came from Janice’s lips. “I want a divorce. I can’t take this kind of life anymore.” Meryl’s mouth dropped open. “What did you say,” he asked dumbfounded? Thoughts raced through his mind. Hadn’t he been trying to make her happy? He was working himself nearly to death trying to make a living that would make life better for all of them. What was going on? “I want a divorce,” Janice replied. Little did Janice realize what she was asking for. It just seemed like the easiest way out. Divorce changes not only the lives of the two people involved but it drastically changes the lives of numerous other people as well, especially the lives of the children. Seldom do the two people involved understand to what degree life will change for everyone. Wives will be forced to continue doing what they have already been doing, caring for the children, preparing meals, and cleaning house. After the divorce, however, the work and responsibility load will increase. A job will not be an option. It will become a must. Where two incomes used to cover rent/house payment, utilities, food, clothing, medical care, insurance, transportation expenses, lawn care, and many other small expenditures, now one rather inadequate income will cover them all. The standard of living will drop drastically. Husbands will have to take over not only their job and other normal responsibilities but they will have the added responsibility of cooking, cleaning, and care of the children while fulfilling their visitation right. There will be child support to pay as well as the regular expenses that his salary had previously covered. Often two jobs become necessary just to meet expenses. There are now two separate households. The courts will decide who does what and when and who will pay for what and when. And those obligations will come before any personal desire. In reality, the different areas of discussion is within the couple’s ability to resolve “if” they would be willing to compromise on their own desires for the benefit of the family. But when no agreement is reached the courts will now “force” compliance. Various areas of life will be regulated by that piece of paper that declares divorce has taken place. Even bad marriages are likely to improve, according to sociologist Linda Waite of the University of Chicago, if given the chance. Analyzing data from the National Survey of Families and Households, Waite found that 86 percent of people who said they were in bad marriages, but who decided to stick it out, said five years later that their marriages had turned around and were now happier. Sixty percent said their marriages were "very happy." "Bad marriage is nowhere near as permanent a condition as we sometimes assume," Waite says in her new book, The Case for Marriage. Considering what we now know about the impact of divorce on children, that should give many divorce-minded couples some second thoughts. (1) . There are many ramifications to be considered before divorce is entered into.
Article Source: http://christian-topics.info
(1)The Sleeper Effect - The Price Children Pay for Divorce www.divorceresourcecenter.com/sleeper-effects.htm Willetta is a former retired pastor and author of three websites. she lives with her husband of 54 years. She teaches the flagship SS class of her local church. Her websites are www.teachmethyways.org/ www.successwithkids.org/ www.theseedsower.org/
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