Active and Effective Listening

ACTIVE AND EFFECTIVE LISTENING

“The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen.” 
Roy E. Moody

Since you have chosen to take the time to read this chapter, rather than simply skip over it, can we right out of the starting blocks stipulate and agree that one of the keys to establishing long term, solid, and successful relationships is effective communication? Can we also agree that for effective communication to occur, there must be active listening? Lastly can we agree that in order to be an active and effective listener we must make the decision to focus on the needs, actions, and words of others verses what we have to say on each and every subject?
Active listening requires the development of three personal qualities in the listener: Desire, commitment, and patience.

Here is what the Lord has to say about listening in His word.

(1) In the New Testament, the Lord warns us to consider carefully what you hear (Mark 4:24) and how you hear (Luke 8:18).

(2) In Mark 4:9 the Lord warned, “Whoever has ears to hear had better listen!” and again in verse 23 He said “If anyone has ears to hear, he had better listen!
(3) Seven times, once in each of the letters to the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3 we read, “He who has an ear let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

(4) In Proverbs 18:13 it is written, “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”

(5) In Proverbs 18:2 Solomon offers a direct open evaluation of those who would rather talk than listen: “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions”.

(6) In Deuteronomy 18:15 Mosses wrote “The Lord your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among you—from your fellow Israelites; you must listen to him.”

(7) In James 1:19-20- “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires”

(8) In 1 Samuel 3:10-The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."

The Bible is clear that anyone who cannot communicate will not lead well, long or successfully. It should be fairly obvious that effective communication involves more than just speaking and hearing. Real communication can only take place when both parties move beyond speaking and hearing to actual understanding.

Most of us spend vast amounts of time, energy and resources developing other foundation skills, such as long-term planning, time management and public speaking. All of which are unquestionably very important in our quest for self-improvement and success. But at a minimum it is at least equally important to make the commitment to prioritize your time and effort to developing the skill of listening.

This is a critical skill for long term success so to any and all who truly desire and strive to be successful I recommend that you waste no time coming to the decision to make whatever investment necessary to master this skill set.

An easy Six (6)-step process is:
(1) Attention: Listen without interruption, debate, or judgment
(2) Consideration: Listen to what they are saying, listen for what they are not saying, listen for what they are thinking while they are talking.
(3) Body Language: Give your complete attention and focus to not only words but to the physical reactions to those with whom you are communicating.

(4) Reflection: When they have finished speaking, reflect back to them what you heard them say

(5) Respect: Effective listening is a matter of respect; do you respect the person communicating with you? If so show them the consideration and courtesy to respect their time and words. Listen intently.

(6) Discipline: The discipline of stillness is a critical skill to master and place into action if you are to be a truly effective listener.

Proverbs 13 teaches us the truth about communication: “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.”
Most great communicators readily acknowledge that active listening is the number one communication skill required for success. Effective communication involves more than just speaking and hearing. Real communication only takes place when both parties move beyond speaking and hearing to a clear understanding of intention, desire, needs, goals, aspirations and desired end result.

Six (6) Questions to Effective Listening:

1. How would you rate your listening skills: a) Very high, b) Average, c) Low. Why did you give yourself that rating?

2. How often do you consciously think about listening actively? In what situations?

3. Do you ever interrupt when you should not? In what situations do you do that? (Do you have a habit of interrupting or a habit of listening?)

4. In general, what is your opinion of people who you notice to be active listeners? (Also, why do you feel that way about them?)

5. When you listen, do you lean forward, look directly at the person talking, or show in your face that you’re actively interested in what they have to say? (What is your typical body language saying when someone else is talking?)

6. If you wanted to improve your listening skills, what is one thing you will do, starting now, that would help you?

When we think about and consider the importance of listening think about the Isaiah who proclaims the importance of listening saying “He wakes me up in the morning, Wakes me up, opens my ears to listen as one ready to take orders. The Master, God, opened my ears, and I didn't go back to sleep, didn’t pull the covers back over my head.” The Bible has countless examples citing the power and effectiveness of listening. The Father challenges us to become effective, active, reactionary listeners.

PRACTICE: To practice this skill of listening over the course of the next seven days take the time and make the commitment to really listen to everyone who’s talking to you. Listen to what they are saying, listen for what they are not saying, and listen for what they are thinking while they are talking. At the same time make certain that you let your body language show that you are listening. Practice this even while you are on your mobile. Then in your success journal place a note at the top of the page to practice your active /effective listening skills for each of the next 21 days. Twenty one (21) days creates a new skill decide to invest in yourself for success.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father all honor, praise and glory to you. Thank you for the many blessing that you have chosen to provide in my life. Father In 1 Samuel 3:9 Eli instructed Samuel to respond to you “So Eli told Samuel, "Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, 'Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.' " So Samuel went and lay down in his place.” Thank you Lord for providing us with wisdom that teaches us to take whatever time is necessary to listen for your words of instruction for our lives. I patiently wait for you to reveal your heart to me. Bless me with the patience and skill needed to wait and listen for your voice. Thank you father for being here for me. I love you Lord


CHAPTER FIVE

GOALS AND GOAL SETTING
“Deciding to commit yourself to long term results, rather than short term fixes, is as important as any decision you'll make in your lifetime.”
Tony Robbins

I admit it I spend half of this past weekend watching a Rocky movie marathon. The six movie series first hit the screens in 1976 entitled Rocky and the ended; at least I think that it has ended, with the sixth and final segment Rocky Balboa released in 2006. The Rocky series, which admittedly will not be confused with any of the great all time cinema masterpieces are totally American in theme. To that end they provide instructive example to the importance of making solid long-term decisions I the area of goals and goal setting.
The story line lays out tells a rags-to-riches American Dream story of Rocky Balboa, an uneducated, kind-hearted and tenacious club fighter who gets a shot at the world heavyweight championship when Apollo Creed the champ decides that America is the land of opportunity and wants to give a nobody from Philly a shot at the title.
Interestingly each of these six movies makes some fairly profound statement on goals, goal setting, leadership, humility and fleeting success vs. real success.
In Rocky we learn that the goal of winning can involve several different outcomes. For most of us when we set a goal of winning our end goal would be to become champion of the boxing world. This is of course a goal that if attain could quickly be lost the very next fight. This is a goal without a soul. This is really an outcome as opposed to a goal.
On the other hand Rocky’s goal and definition of winning is insightful and instructional. He lays that goal out to Adrian the night before the fight. His goal is to compete, to give his best effort, and continue to fight until the final bell. His goal is one of character building, loving the battle and lifetime building blocks vs. just an end result.

In Rocky Balboa (2006) he completes this circle as he provides his son the ultimate life lesson on goals and goal setting. Reaching for a long-term life goal that has staying power Rocky recants that: life isn’t about how hard you can land on it but is about how hard a punch you can take and still get back up fighting. This is the goal he had for both his life and his son’s life. This is a goal with a log-term lifespan.

Goal setting is an important skill to learn and develop. The decisions to take the actions necessary to be more successful in life require the decision to improve your goal setting skills.

Most highly successful people are consciously and consistently goal oriented. They set immediate, short term and long-term goals that align with each other. They understand the importance of goal setting and set aside the time to consider, decide upon, and establish goals and the plans to attain them. More importantly they take the time and make the effort to actually go through the exercise of writing down their goal and plan for attaining them so that they can see it, feel it, be reminded of it on a regular basis and evaluate it.
The Bible provides us with a firm plan on how to establish and set goals. To no surprise God clearly articulates principles in Scripture for setting and reaching goals.

Here is what the Lord has to say about Goal Setting in His word.

(1)In Proverbs 11:27- For one, he says you’ll be respected if you set good goals.

(2)In Proverbs 16:9 - “We should make plans, counting on God to direct us.”

(3)In Proverbs 24:3-“Any enterprise is built by wise planning, becomes strong through common sense, and profits wonderfully by keeping abreast of the facts.”

(4)In Proverbs 13:16-“A wise man thinks ahead, a fool doesn’t and even brags about it.”

(5) In James 4:13-15- “Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.”

Diana Scharf Hunt once wrote, “ Goals are dreams with deadlines.” I would add to that statement that goals not written down and dated for completion are nothing more than wishes.

As you take ownership of your goals and goal setting what type of changes to your life are you considering? Are you interested in setting goals in the area of personal develop, financial freedom, weight loss, recreational opportunities, exercise, employment status, or family focus? The list of goals that we choose to reach for could include any of these and a long list of other possibilities. My question for you to consider is before deciding to set a specific goal(s) have you spent anytime with the Father seeking the direction that He would like to see you grow in. Consider just for a second which goals the Father would most want you to set that would put you on pace to attain His plan and purpose for your life. All to often we elect to make decisions after which we expect the Lord to bless them. Our calling is to seek His will and adjust our lives and goals accordingly.
If in the past you have controlled and set your goals take a moment and reflect upon your success level attaining these goals. If you find that you have experienced less success than you would have anticipated perhaps the reason for your low hit percentage is that by yourself you simply do not have the strength, will, focus, power or commitment to reach your desired goal.

If this possibility resonates at all with you I would suggest that you consider consulting with the Lord prior to establishing and setting your goals. If you and He are on the same page God himself will energize and sustain you efforts to successfully complete your goal. The Father is at all times working to provide us the strength, focus, and power to improve our lot. It sure is nice to have an accountability partner whose name is above all others, whose name is a mighty tower, whose name promises to save us if we just decide to run to it.

Here are eight (8) tips to successful Goal Setting.

Eight Rules of Goal Setting

1)Goal setting is a skill. You can learn a skill so each of us can master and benefit from goal setting.

2)All goals must be written down and measured. A goal not written down is nothing more than a wish.

3)All goals must be attainable. Being able to reach them is important, so goals need to be reasonable and reachable.

4)All goals must be specific. The optimum way to know if we have arrived at our goals is to be as specific as possible.

5) All goals must be Personal. Unless we own them we are unlikely to pursue them.

6) All goals should begin with the word to the word to be a call to action. Goals are a call to action

7) All goals must be dated. Dates give us a measuring point and
The opportunity to evaluate our process

8) A goal plan always includes obstacles and action plans. In fact action steps are in fact more important than the goal itself

As we begin to make real progress I this area and successfully accomplish goals, we often forget to take the time to be thankful and appreciative for those success. It is all to much a part of human nature to move on to the next goal without even so much as a mental check in the box acknowledging our victory.
At the root of the Christian experience is thankfulness and appreciation for each of life’s blessings. As a Christian you should be comfortable looking beyond the success to its source. God waits on our response to victories. He deserves our thanks, worship and praise. You deserve to enjoy your victory, you worked diligently to attain it so take the time to celebrate victories with the Father.

Six (6) Questions To Goal Setting:

1.How frequently do you set goals, how much time do you spend considering them and what kind of goals do you usually set?

2. Are your goals usually long term (more than a year away) or short-term goals (daily, weekly, and monthly goals)? Give me two or three examples of goals you have set up until now. Do you long and short-term goals align with each other?

3. How do you determine which goals you set?

4. How do you typically track and monitor your progress on the goals you set?

5. What do you do, typically, when you have set a goal, and do not reach it?

6. Do you believe you are willing to make the decision to faithfully set, track, and monitor goals in the key areas of your life? Why?

So in the end goal setting is an important, serious, in fact critical skill to develop and utilize. Equally as important as goal setting is our awareness that we need to be careful and aware that we are not so inflexible and anxious about life that we make rigid plans, which end up being beyond our capacity to successful attain.

While flexibility is our key to successfully attaining our goals, we should also take great care not to be so uninspired as to make no plans at all. Rather, with all humility, let us submit our plans to the Lord, and work for his glory, while we retain the flexibility to adjust to His direction.

Make the decision to put God first in your life and top of mind if you truly want to achieve a level of goal setting, which is world class, consistent and successful. Christ must be at the center of everything. The Bible teaches us that our one and only priority is to keep Him, His Kingdom, and His righteousness first in everything. His will and our service to Him should always be our priority.

Decide today to more fully develop this skill. A decision to reaching real growth in this area will heighten your long-term chances for success.

PRACTICE: To practice the concept of Goal Setting this week, I’d like you to make a “dream list” of literally everything you’d like to be, have, or change in your life. (Plan to take some time for you to do this.) Take the limits off. Let your imagination wander. Write down anything and everything. Write the longest list you can – both short term and long-term goals. Then prioritize them making certain that the long-term and short-term goals line up to the same end result.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father all honor, praise and glory to you. Thank you for the many blessing that you have chosen to provide in my life. Father in Proverbs 11:27 you guide us that “For one, he says you’ll be respected if you set good goals,” I come to you seeking knowledge and skill in the area of goal setting. More importantly I seek to only chase goals that are of your will and direction. Help me to see where your will is at work. Thank you father for being here for me. I love you Lord.

Article Source: http://christian-topics.info

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